As I’m quickly learning in the frozen tundra called Minne”SNOW”ta, cold is really a relative thing. Now, I’m used to wind chill factor – those Panhandle winds in the winter could be -20 and chill you to the bone!
I’m learning, though, that -15 air temperature, while COLD, is not too bad. Granted, “Bob Tate”, my little Toyota, has his mornings and almost seems to whimper as I approach the car door to attempt a ‘cold start’ in the morning! And there’s the slipping and sliding that you get from taking a turn just a hair over 20 mph. And the constant glove-wearing and slow shuffle-steps on the sidewalk to avoid that all elusive black ice patch just waiting to make you look like an outtake from America’s Funniest Home Videos.
But hey, that’s winter for ya! Believe it or not, you get used to it – even to appreciate it. Because without this cold weather and layer upon layer of snow, we wouldn’t have the gorgeous Spring and Summer that we do.
Here’s how a parishioner summed up a Minnesotan’s take on winter:
60 above zero: Floridians turn on the heat. People in Minnesota plant gardens.
50 above zero: Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Duluth sunbathe.
40 above zero: Italian & English cars won’t start. People in Minnesota drive with the windows down.
32 above zero: Distilled water freezes. The water in Bemidji gets thicker.
20 above zero: Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, and wool hats. People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt.
15 above zero: New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Minnesota have the last cookout before it gets cold.
Zero: People in Miami all die. Minnesotans close the windows.
10 below zero: Californians fly away to Mexico. People in Minnesota get out their winter coats.
25 below zero: Hollywood disintegrates. The Girl Scouts in Minnesota are selling cookies door to door.
40 below zero: Washington DC runs out of hot air. People in Minnesota let the dogs sleep indoors.
100 below zero: Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Minnesotans get upset because they can’t start the Mini-Van.
460 (-459.67 F below zero): ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero, zero on the Kelvin scale.) People in Minnesota start saying…”Cold ’nuff fer ya?”
500 below zero: Hell freezes over. Minnesota public schools will open 2 hours late.
